Salam alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakaatuhu. Asyhadu anla ilaaha Illallah, wa asyhadu anna Muhammadar Rasulullah. Bismillah Ar-Rahman Ar-Raheem.
I have been working on this blog post for days now. So many questions about polygyny from non-muslim to me on my blog, I didn’t post mostly, you will not believe the words they are using. For non-muslims, they will ask how could muslims still think it is not an oppression. For muslimas, they will say they agree but only such and such conditions are fulfilled (the point is, they agree as long as it doesn’t happen to them). I came to know that collecting insights from woman is only making my writing process becomes more difficult. Well, some are very useful, some are only make me sigh. 😀 I still feel that this is not fair if this topic is written by me, a single woman. The married women will say, “You just don’t understand what it feels!”. No, I don’t understand how it feels (yet), but the questions are asked at me, so I will answer the best way possible, biiznillahi taala.
Sisters, where do the permission of polygyny comes from? Everybody knows that it comes from the Qur’an. Qur’an, as we come to know from many sources is the only holy book that allows ‘limited polygyny’. None of the other religious scriptures, whether it be the Vedas, the Ramayan, the Mahabharat, the Geeta, the Talmud or the Bible does one find a restriction on the number of wives. According to these scriptures one can marry as many as one wishes. It was only later, that the Hindu priests and the Christian Church restricted the number of wives to one.
“Marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one.” [Al-Qur’an 4:3]
Before the Qur’an was revealed, there was no upper limit for polygyny and many men hadscores of wives, some even hundreds. Islam put an upper limit of four wives. Islam gives a man permission to marry two, three or four women, only on the condition that he deals justly with them. In another verse,
“Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women….” [Surah Nisa : 129]
Therefore polygyny is not a rule but an exception. Many people are under the misconception that it is compulsory for a Muslim man to have more than one wife.
Broadly, Islam has five categories of actions:
• Fard, compulsory or obligatory
• Mustahab, recommended or encouraged
• Mubah, permissible or allowed
• Makruh, not recommended or discouraged
• Haraam, prohibited or forbidden
Polygyny falls in the middle category of things that are permissible. It cannot be said that a Muslim who has two, three or four wives is a better Muslim as compared to a Muslim who has only one wife. But, as we all must be honest to ourselves, it is allowed for men to marry up to 4 wives. You can’t say it’s the other way around.
An ironic picture I found in google. Seriously, these women… *sigh*
Many women posted in my inbox on how she will allow her husband to marry more. Some of the reasons I will mention here.
• The next wives must be very ugly, spesifically she said : old, fat, black. Astaghfirullah, seriously, if you are fat and black you must not near this kind of woman because she thinks you’re very ugly and she will look down upon you. SubhanAllah.
• The man can marry with his wives permission. Seriously, where does she get the source? There is no such thing mentioned in Qur’an and Sunnah about this. Alhamdulillah, men can discuss with his recent wife about how they both will deal with the condition after polygyny, etc, but permission? Astaghfirullah, this woman is making new issues (bid’ah)
• The next wives must be rich. Alhamdulillah, men are allowed to marry women for their money, but to say that this is a must?
• The recent wife MUST be sick, or not able to have children, etc. This is pretty reasonable, but still I haven’t found anything to support this on Qur’an and Hadith.
This is the words of Allah we are talking about. The Wise, The Loving, The Just, free from all errors and mistakes. Even the genious of all mankind doesn’t know everything. How can we possibly have bad thoughts over Allah’s subhana wa taala Wisdom? Do we actually wanna do that? Making logic against Allah’s subhana wa taala Wisdom, do we actually wanna do that? This is Allah we are talking about. Allah azza wa jalla. There is nothing worth keeping if He asks for it, there is nothing more logical than His Wisdom.
And it is not ever for a faithful man or a faithful woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decided an affair that there is any choice for them in their affair, and who disobeys Allah and His Messenger, so he is indeed wandering far astray. [Al Ahzab : 36]
Maybe for non-muslims(or even muslim) woman, they will look for ways to make polygyny looks acceptable. But seriously, if you want some sweet sugarcoated entertaining from my explanation, just go buy a donut and read this post all over again. Because I am going to say it the way it is, polygyny is allowed. For those of you who decides to live in polygynious marriage, go make the best of it. My cousin, she said, “Polygyny is like one of the easiest ways for women to get into el janna, it’s like, we don’t need to do anything!!” Subhanallah..
Not everyone will be happy for my answer to JCK, but hay, another question we need to answer ourselves. What do we live for? Do we wanna live for marriage? Or for Allah subhana wa taala? And seriously, do you really think Allah subhana wa taala would allow polygyny if it brings harm to women? You think Allah Azza wa Jalla who loves us more than our parents will do us harm? Think about it.
Happiness is a choice.
Nobody can guarantee that you will only be happy in monogamous marriage. Allah subhana wa taala says it is allowed to for men to marry more than one woman. Some will, some won’t, so what?
Allah’s subhana wa taala Wisdom is to be practised, not to be questioned. Wallahu alam bi shawab.
Looking forward for your response. 😀