Stop Your Ukhuwah

I will share now about my experience involving one of my sisters on Islam, we met in science faculty years ago. If I have to explain how I feel for her, it is very simple, I truly love her for the sake of Allah. I saw how much she tried to be better in Islam while I was also the same phase. We’re both still fighting now for this hubbud dunya we’re having inside, reminding each other to constantly in the state of dhikr. Seriously, I can’t say in anyway better than this, I love her, and how could I not?

Few days ago, her facebook account was hacked. The hacker put this extremely vulgar picture of a woman in the most vulgar scene that anyone could imagine. So, I texted her, and she called me to explain that her account was hacked. She also asked me to ask the hacker to return the password. What do you think I did? Of course I talked to the hacker, and announced in her wall that the account was hacked. And sadly, facebook now shows us on which wall we’re writing, which picture we’re commenting. People with hundreds of friends will not be shown this, but for facebook users with under 200 friends, will be shown their friends activities. So, there you go, this female, who used to call me ‘sister’, has very few friends. And she saw that I wrote on a vulgar woman’s account.

That’s where it all begins. She began to scream in my inbox telling that I should remove ‘all the pious men’ from my friendlist, I had to do it ‘RIGHT NOW’ specially the shaikh. So I was asking, I have a lot of friends, my friends since I was in elementary school are now all in facebook, I can’t remove them all immediately, please tell me how to remove my trace from writing the post, and how to remove those ‘pious men’ all at once. And so she told me these steps that I didn’t understand and scream again : remove all the man! Specially the shaikh!! Please, block the shaikh! Now!! And I replied her, which shaikh? Do you think I should deactivate my account for a while? And when I click ‘Send’, she’s no longer my friend and worse, she blocked me. 😀 And the result from it, I lost a person that I called ‘sister’ and I didn’t know what to do for this problem. Hurray!

The problem was solved, I gave my id and password to a friend and he did it all for me. But losing a friend like that is saddening, it’s like her saying : I don’t need your ukhuwah! I didn’t write that night about this, because I was sad (and angry). She lost hope on me and blocked me from her life because I don’t deserve her friendship (or probably what I naively thought: sisterhood). She made me feel that I am a bad person, ugly with satanic behavior. But, I am better now and realize she is only a person who is very excited for being Islamic (and love this shaikh too much), but she didn’t know how to deliver her message right, and she lost hope on people to easily 🙂 May Allah help her with her people skill. (please say : ameen, people.. this sister seriously needs it)

Enough with my boring ramblings 😀 , I want to remind us all that mostly people wants to be good and accepted. But we are sometimes too cold, we only want to deliver our message without actually want them to be better. We’re dealing with human here, and human is a complex species with variety of personalities. There are ways to deal with them. And for the example of my case, just tell me what to do, and I would do it. If she also didn’t know, give me time, I will find some ways, inshaAllah. Come on, I am not THAT stupid. And besides, she can just remove me. And only Allah knows if she also reported my profile to facebook. SubhanAllah, this sister is extreme.

Rasulullah salallahu alaihi wasalam, had a very outstanding people skill. He would stop people from doing bad, in the bestest of ways that is acceptable to the person. We probably will not be as best as him salallahu alaihi wasalam, but we can try. I will recommend you two books to read on how to deal with people. The books that helped me a lot.. I mean A LOT..

First, is the book, How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie. I’m sure you heard of this book, but please invest your time to read it. It is not enough to know that we have to treat people respectively like Rasulullah salallahu alaihi wasalam did, without knowing how. Rasulullah salallahu alaihi wasalam never made everyone feel stupid and disrespected, that’s why everybody feels like they were his best friend, please read this article, to see some examples of Prophet Muhammad’s principles of communication.Think about it.

And the next book is Personality Puzzle by Florence and Marita Littauer. Now the ‘sister’ who gave me the advice seriously needs to read this. This works for making your point to be acceptable for people and makes you understand about our own personality, so we know when we refuse to do somebody’s suggestion out of righteousness or selfishness, biiznillahi taala

Everything involving the word puzzle sounds interesting, right? 😀 Actually, I am writing a book review of these books. But I strongly suggest you all to read these. May we all treat our sisters and brothers in Islam in the best manners possible.


  1. #1 by rialive on April 5, 2011 - 7:15 am

    @ Miki : I think that’s the benefit of being a good person. And btw i know now which shaikh she meant.
    I guess, it’s bcoz the man is too good by the side of Allah, so Allah protects him from seeing haram by the help of people who ‘loves’ him. 🙂

    @ sister Fathya : I’ve been missing your comments!! wa alaikum salam.. Please do read the books, really beneficial inshaAllah..

    @ sister Halima : no it’s not making any sense for me, heehehe. but we have our own choices. And for me FB becomes this facility that I can maintain connection with my friends cheaply lol and alhamdulillah, i learned alot too 🙂

  2. #2 by Halima on April 5, 2011 - 2:04 am


    I’m sorry for you that something like this happened. This is precisely the reason why I don’t use social networking sites like Facebook, no matter how useful people try to convince me it is. I think of it like a pit of snakes which also contains some tasty fruit- in seeking the fruit you risk the snakes, and you’ll come across more snakes than fruit! I prefer my fruit without snakes, so I find my fruit elsewhere. Hope that makes sense, hehe!

  3. #3 by fathya on April 5, 2011 - 12:03 am

    Salamz Rialive,
    thank you very much for suggesting the books.
    i also felt that muslims nowadays dont treat their brothers like true ‘brothers’
    we got offended easily, and stop silaturrahm too quick.

    Thanks also for replying my mails very wisely. God Bless!

    been a while not to visit you,will catch up with your posts 😀

  4. #4 by miki on April 4, 2011 - 11:29 pm

    I think that lady needs to get off her mind of the shaikh.
    come on, blocking you?
    she’s so…. *cencored*

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