The Masculine Woman

I received a very funny but serious message in my blog comment and I seriously can relate to this. Here is the message along with my answer 😀

Salam Rialive,

I am so suprised to see how you enjoy hiking and nature but yet you look so feminine. Probably you can give me some advice. How to make people understand that I am a woman and I need to be treated like woman. I know it sounds stupid, but I think you and I are pretty much the same. I love sports and nature but I am 100% woman.
Please don’t publish my mail and name on your blog if you decide to answer it via blog post. Only answer this when you have time. Love you. Hugs!


Wa alaikum salam warahmatullahi wabarakaatuhu, sister A.

I just received your message yesterday and I couldn’t wait to finish my Tuesday activities to reply it. MashaAllah, I really can relate to it. That’s why I will not give you any advice that you don’t already know, I will only share my experience and what I have Iearned from it, biiznillahi taala. 🙂

Let me explain to you how I was years ago. Being too close with my 3 brothers, I did everything they did. I used to have no skirts (except my school uniform), I have only jeans. I used to go to school without combing my hair, I didn’t care. I did several sports like karate and thai-boxing. I was a vocalist in a rock band for a while. Now, who do you think were my friends? And how did they treat me? Boys will hit me, and said, “Hi, bro!”. That’s right, my friends called me Brother John. And at that time, I didn’t even realize that they treated me wrongly. SubhanAllah, I looked at the past and amazed, what was I thinking?! But now I can smile  when I remember it, how Allah has been so kind to me, subhanAllah.

Today, I still do some sports, aerobics, no longer karate (I don’t want to have bruises), I even stop listen to music at all, I wear skirts everywhere (even hiking). And guess what, people treat me differently now. I still do what I like, just like when I used to, but now people treat me automatically different. Why is that?

The problem with woman now is, we treat men as competitors, as if we have to beat them in every aspects. If  they climb, we feel that we need to prove that we also climb (even higher!). If they hit, we feel that we need to prove we also hit (even harder!). If they grow muscles, we feel that we need to prove we also grow them (even bigger!). Even now, woman have their special tools to help them pee standing, it is beneficial like in the concert or demonstration. Astaghfirullah. We’re going too far! If I have to explain what women are trying to do now, it is simple. We are trying to go after masculinity that we will never going to accomplish perfectly and leaving our feminine quality behind. We are trapped in the middle of nowhere! Astaghfirullah.

Sister A, men and women are different. We have both have our qualities and weaknesses. We are not competitors against each other. Of course there is some similar activities we both can do. But think about this, do we need to prove that we can climb higher, hit harder, grow bigger muscles, and pee standing?! What’s next? Grow beard and mustache? 😀 Ewwww! :mrgreen:

As a woman, I only can suggest you now to find new hobbies. I love nature so I started gardening. And I love puzzle, so I started to cook. I love hiking, but never again in difficult places. And for sports, just do whatever suits you but remember, we females only have to stay healthy, we don’t need muscles. And then, this is very important too, stop walking like a man, talk like a man, and dress like a man. And besides, religiously, women who try to imitate man (or vice versa) is cursed, so we need to stay away from it, ok 😀 We are woman, be proud of it. I am now! Alhamdulillah!

The Messenger of Allah cursed men who made themselves look like women and women who made themselves look like men.” [al-Bukhari]

We’ve been communicating for a while now, sister A. So, I know precisely how smart you are. And I’m so sure that you will understand when I say, people only treat us they way we treat ourselves.

The sky doesn’t need to remind everyone how high it really is. Just like a woman who needs to remind people to treat her like a woman, might be better to check back  her qualities and her attitude that might not seem and feel like a woman. Be honest, dear. Just be honest 

Love you more, hugs!

  1. #1 by rialive on April 6, 2011 - 6:18 pm

    @ Meme : Waktu smu, Me.. Skrg gak lagi.
    Hehehhe, bajunya masi ada, tp udah ke ketek an. 😀

    @ Lely Iwan : Sama yg bertanya itu agak masalah bagi dia dianggap gak feminim bu, kl gak masalah bagi ibu yah gak papa.. life is a choice, bu.. 😀

    @ Indaq : Thanks! I like being cool! Please keep supporting, inshaAllah..

  2. #2 by indaq on April 6, 2011 - 4:59 pm

    hahaha…really cool answer…nice shoot…keep it up sis.. love ur blog

  3. #3 by lely iwan on April 6, 2011 - 12:18 pm

    hehe menyukai olahraga ekstrim untuk wanita kenapa tidak? karena saya juga menyukai hal itu, mulai dr pencak silat, taekwondo, pecinta alam, arung jeram dan pernah sekali wall climbing, meloncat dari ketinggian untuk menyelam.. tapi semua memang ada masanya, saat aku sudah menikah dan sibuk aktivitas kuliah sudah mulai kutinggalkan 😀

  4. #4 by melisa on April 6, 2011 - 7:56 am

    U didn’t tell me that u do karate now.. wow 😀
    pengen liat..

  5. #5 by Halima on April 6, 2011 - 6:53 am

    Asalaamu aleikum-

    This really made me laugh!
    My husband is currently coming up against resistance in his 11 yr old daughter who refuses to wear skirts or dresses. He hates her tight jeans and capri pants. Recently she turned up to visit us (she lives with his ex-wife) wearing shorts- which sent him into a rage! He tries to get her to wear more appropriate clothing but she says “this is what all the girls wear”- I guess she just wants to fit in. I’m trying to think of ways to guide her to do better, but it’s hard. She is being raised by her mother as a Christian and she doesn’t see why she should cover herself. *sigh* Make du’aa for us, Sister!

    • #6 by rialive on April 6, 2011 - 7:21 am

      Wa alaikum salam

      May Allah make it easy for you, sister. And I’m so sure you can hold her hands and guide her to Islam. Be friends with her 1st, make her trust you. Most of the times, people (teenager or adults) have interest in islam by the ambassador, which is each and everyone of us.
      For further questions on how dealing with girls, pls do visit this blog,
      Little Auntie is an expert on this, biiznillahi taala. She knows how to deal with girls.

      Allah bless you, sister Halima.

  6. #7 by rialive on April 6, 2011 - 6:11 am

    @ sister Ayesha : Jazakillahi khair 😀 it means a lot coming from you 🙂

    @ sister Asma : Why you wrote that your name was ‘a’? People will think it’s you!! LOL Stay blessed :_

    @ kak Mona : alhamdulillah, kak.. You are exaggerating 😳 I love love love you more!

    @ Silla :
    wooooow!!! 😀

    • #8 by Asma Khan on April 6, 2011 - 6:26 pm

      Ohhh sorry dear I selected my name from auto fill, but it wasn’t so… it showed just “a”… :/

  7. #9 by Farsilla Khan on April 6, 2011 - 5:58 am


  8. #10 by mona on April 6, 2011 - 1:13 am

    As always, as always, as always!!
    I LOVE LOVE LOVE your brain!!
    beautifully explained by one and only RIA!!

  9. #11 by a on April 6, 2011 - 12:36 am

    Interesting at beginning… Love last lines, indeed that is a great advise for women… 🙂
    Stay Blessed

  10. #12 by ayeshaharoon on April 6, 2011 - 12:31 am

    haha… amazinngg answer Masha’Allah! =)

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