Logical, Really? (Polygyny Issue Continues)

Finally! I finished the sequel of my polygyny post. Honestly I made several trials to write the answers of the questions, but I ended up with posts that will make me have to answer more questions. It’s really difficult for me to put my thoughts into words. Until I realized I don’t have to make people understand what my thought is, I only need to answer the questions! LOL silly me 😀

The questions is very simple : Is there no room for logic in religion because it is impossible for women to be happy when she shared her husband with others?

First of all, let’s list why people now disagree (unhappy) with polygyny,
• jealousy
• the consideration of possibility that men will not be able to be just.
• jealousy
• not ready to handle the suspicions (jealousy)
• jealousy
Yes, this is my personal surveys, I asked 20 married women to tell me the reason of why they don’t want to live in polygynous marriage. The reason is just one, jealousy. And even the consideration of possibility that men will not be able to be just, is another word for possibility that jealousy will exist. — I’m sorry for being so straight forward — The reasons of disagreeing with polygyny are all emotional!

So, if the reason is all emotional, then why trying to find logical excuse when we don’t want to practice it? Again the answer is, emotionally in denial. The fairy tale love that we used to listen when we were kids were just fairy tales. That is not the right concept of love taught by our religion. The reason of why polygyny is allowed in Islam are all very logical; to save women, to educate every Muslims that love for Allah subhana wa taala, for the sunnah, and for this deen must be put above our love to the worldly things (including husbands). Because muslim women must know that our life is not for marriage, we live for far more noble purpose than that (and marriage CAN help you to get to it, inshaAllah). There is an article I found, explained very clearly and complete about polygyny issue. READ HERE.

That’s why for muslim women, the effect of polygyny should not be as dramatical as women who has fairy tale concept of love. And just be honest, when all your reason to try to say that polygyny is ‘not actually halal‘ (and by the way, what does it even mean?!?) are all emotional, don’t make prejudgement that our own religion is not logical. If you don’t want to practice it, it’s okay, polygyny is not mandatory anyway, but don’t try to make something permissible in Islam as a haram thing.

And yes, for a sister who wishes me to write this : polygyny is not just a virtue for men, but also a responsibility. You can’t expect to marry 4 women which is mubah (allowed), but neglect the prayer, neglect zakah, fasting in ramadhan which are fard (obligatory). Seriously, please do read the article that I recommended. Polygyny is a hard work for men, women practically don’t have to do anything but to control their jealousy and train her patience.

I know, some sister said, men these days cant be just among their wives. But, remember, woman is allowed to remind her husband 😀 In fact, it’s the woman’s job to remind her husband. Example : “Hay honey, why you only buy me a Toyota when you bought the co-wife Ferrari?? I demand Ferrari, too.” << yes, ask him! LOL
I know, women are like a different species that has an expertise in drama and jealousy, but let me quote a wise woman,
When I want to marry my husband, I want him to guide me to be better in Islam. But then I fall in love with him too deeply, so it is his job to educate me not to love him more than I love Allah subhana wa taala.” — I would love to write her name, but I don’t know how to contact her and ask permission.

May Allah subhana wa taala guide us to love Him, the sunnah of His Messenger, and Islam more than we love anything else in this world.

Note :
You cannot logic me to think that my religion is wrong. But I would love to know your opinions because that will make me study more and upgrade my understanding towards my religion inshaAllah.
If I don’t answer your question in a way that satisfy you, forgive me for having so little knowledge, but if you actually searching for the truth please contact the people that I recommended to you via email.

Wallahu alam bishawab

  1. #1 by Frida on April 26, 2011 - 6:15 pm

    Terrific point of view!

  2. #2 by rialive on April 26, 2011 - 9:02 am

    @ Michael
    yeah, it’s a hard job.

    @ Christine
    It’s okay Christine, you’re very welcome.
    I learned about FLDS on Oprah Show, so you might wanna go to the site and watch the episode.
    And yes, you can always contact me via email, inshaAllah..

    @ kak Mona

    Polygyny is not mandatory kak, so you dont have to live in it when you dont want to.

    @ sr. Halima
    Salam alaikum, sister
    I do believe that nothing we have is truly ours.,even husbands.
    And I do respect your decision of not want to live in polygynous marriage.
    What I want to underlined by my post for the non-muslims are, there’s much more in islam than polygyny and even so, our concept is fairer than others.
    Also, for muslim woman to not be emotional dealing towards this, it’s OK if they dont want to live in polygynous marriage. No worries.
    What is wrong is, denying the fact that Islam covers everything even polygyny, and how to deal with it. It’s ok for choosing not to live in polygyny, but it is permissible to do it when they want to.

  3. #3 by Halima on April 26, 2011 - 2:07 am

    Hmmm… so what it boils down to is this then: in order for polygamy to be acceptable for a woman, she shouldn’t love her husband in a conventional “romantic” way- that way she won’t care so much about him and she won’t mind sharing him with other women.???!!!

  4. #4 by Mona Berliana on April 25, 2011 - 8:58 pm

    It is very true what you said, dear.
    That our concept of love built by cinderella stories and that really distract us on what islam really suggest.

    Thank you, baby.
    love you so so much. hugs!

  5. #5 by Christine on April 25, 2011 - 8:55 pm

    Thank you, Rialive.
    I also read some articles about FLDS that you recommended. It is all new to me speacially knowing the fact that chritianity also familiar with this polygyny. But I am afraid I cant tell you much about it, because i just knew about it recently. But IF the concept of islamic polygyny is as the article you attached, then Islamic concept is better, I admit it.

    Very nice to know your blog and hope we can continue communicating. I really like your interesting personality. Take care! xxx

  6. #6 by Michael A on April 25, 2011 - 8:29 pm

    Well it sure does look like it is a hard job for man, specially when he has many children.
    Phew… not so fun after all ..

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