This is a very sensitive issue, gossip. I know, I know, some of us really don’t want to talk about this, because then we have to admit that gossiping is actually an addiction. We just stay away from this issue and take it like a normal thing, right? Been there and still fighting to get out from it, subhanAllah, it is sooooo hard!!
We live in a gossip-orientated society so naturally almost everyone loves to gossip. Many do it and do not even realize it because it is second nature for them. Men and women are both guilty of it, but women tend to get the blame, and we have to admit it, we love it, right? No offense, Sisters.. Brothers gossip, too… but us, Sisters, we kinda crave for it. LOL
So, what is the definition of ‘gossip’? Rasulullah salallahu alaihi wasalam had clearly explained it in hadith,
Prophet Muhammad said :”Do you know what backbiting is?” They said, “God and His Messenger know best.” He then said, “It is to say something about your brother that he would dislike.” Someone asked him, “But what if what I say is true?” The Messenger of God said, “If what you say about him is true, you are backbiting him, but if it is not true then you have slandered him.“ [Muslim]
So, just like another kind of addiction, gossiping needs treatment. I’m going to share some applicable steps for us to stop this bad habit. I hope, by me, a Sister, will make it easier for us all to realize that this is an extremely serious issue. Come on, who loves some guys with huge beard telling us what to do while they don’t know how hard it is to avoid this habit as a woman? This is a huge issue! But… GRRRRH! so hard to avoid in the world of woman, guys just don’t understand!
“Behold, you received it on your tongues, and said out of your mouths things which you had no knowledge; and you thought it to be a light matter, while it was most serious in the sight of God” [An Noor (24): 15]
So, these are the steps, people :
→ Avoid suspicions and analyzing why people act the way they do.
Come on, we’re not a psychologist, we don’t have enough basic foundations to analyze people’s behavior, let the experts do that. And plus we need to keep a wise words in mind from the early great scholars of Muslim, Hamdun al-Qassar, he said;
“If a friend among your friends errs, make seventy excuses for them. If your hearts are unable to do this, then know that the shortcoming is in your own selves”
Wise man, mashaAllah …
→ Stop going to places that we are prone to gossip.
So, if we know that getting on the phone with a friend is going to turn into a gossip hour then we have to find a way to eliminate it by either not answering the phone or cutting the conversation short. We may have to do this until we undo our bad habit. And good thing is, we will save more money on phone bill also more time reading books 😀
→ Do it silently
When we tell our gossip buddy that we will never gossip anymore, it will not going to do us any good. So keep it inside our own head, if we find ourselves in a conversation with a gossip buddy, although we may have no other choice but to listen, do not go with that sinful flow. When there is a break in conversation try to change the subject.
Choose among these attitude when someone tries to gossip with us:
• Walk away.
• Change the subject.
• Directly state, “I don’t want to talk about __________.”
• Directly state, “I don’t like talking about other people because I don’t like them talking about me.” That’s definitely a conversation cutter.
• Reply, “I hadn’t heard that about that!! Let’s go ask him/her.” (Gossipers are cowards, this will end the gossip immediately)
→ Stay away from gossipers
We are known by our friends, think about it.
Stop all the saying that we’re talking like that to help people, we have experts who go to school for years to do that, NO, we are not talking about people for their own good. We’re gossiping. If we really want to help someone, talk to the person directly.
Hope this helps. Much love! ♥