Will You Marry Me? No, Thank You…

At Lake Maninjau, taken by Rudi, my little brother

Alhamdulillah, my Ramadhan was great, and my Eid was crowded. I felt like I wanted to talk all about my Ramadhan and Eid experience but I have one urgent issue to ramble about 😀 Rejecting marriage proposals — hooooo —. This is a serious issue that some women loves to brag about, you know, how popular and pretty they are by the authentic proof of so many proposals they are considering and rejecting — yah, I know some of them 😀 — I have some reflection that I wanted to share later but let me shout this out to the world : SOME GUYS ARE STOOPID!!*sigh* finally I said it

So, I rejected another 2 proposals during last Ramadhan. And I don’t know, these two guys seemed to conspire against me! They both have the same nickname for me : extremisthahaha — Since it’s been a while for me not to write, I think I will let my words just flow.  One of the guys, has this perfect chocolate milk skin, he’s very handsome — I did try to lower my gaze but what can I do… At some seconds I did see him, okay… Maybe minutes — And another one knows how to buy perfume and shoes. Those are the positive part of the story and definitely were not the reasons of me rejecting them.  Here you go.

1. The handsome choco milk guy’s family asked for dowry.

So, the guy is not as religious as I was expected, but not bad, he is trying to be better — or so how the people around him said —. Plus, he does not smoke — so hard to find one here, subhanAllah — So, he asked me what my dowry is 😀 Me, seriously I don’t need a man to afford me, I can afford myself. I don’t need another man to protect me, I have 3 brothers to do that. So, I told him what the dowry was and since it was so easy he was happy. But then… his family asked (to be exact, insisted) for dowry from me,  at least USD $10,000. — clearing throat

I was like….. WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
The reason was, this man is highly educated, his family invested a lot on his education so they think it will be such a waste if the rest of his life will be spent for a girl. The girl will just enjoy the effort, so she needs to pay for the good future ahead. Not that I couldn’t afford it, don’t get me wrong, but haaaaay… that is just so wrong in many level. So, they think he will not be as lucky to have ME? Huh?! So, no thank you very much.

2. The guy with nice perfume and great shoes… smokes cigarettes like Hogwarts School of Wizard Train.

Smoking is haram. No more explanation on why I hate it.
And when azan comes, he just sat there and blew smoke. The masjid is only 3 minutes walk. And he just sat there… Probably waiting for the imam calls him by name and scream, “We will not start the salah without you!!”

And they both called me extremist for not willing to negotiate with the culture and civilization. Apparently, now, it is okay for girls giving dowry to men  since she will get so much in return after marriage. And apparently, smoking is the sign of masculinity — this kind of man needs to meet some gays that smokes —, and salah needs not to be done on time, we can do it within times, we can delay…

I’ve been rejecting proposals, but these were I think most annoying ones because they are trying to convince me that my consideration is wrong!! They were insulting my intelligence!! Seriously?! My intelligence?! And this guy keeps messaging me to my Blackberry of wise advice on why smoking is allowed in Islam because we need to adapt, we need to embrace the speed of civilization. Okay, deleted from contacts, alhamdulillah..

My teacher once told me, I do not need to lower my standard, I only need to increase my quality to be worthy of the kind of man. And the fact that one died, one stucked on his place for political reasons, and one needed to make his parents happy by marrying his cousin 😆 My time had not come yet, don’t push it… I believe her, I do

Okay enough ramblings for tonight, they can call me extremist, whatever…

InshaAllah next time I will wear my responsible adult costume and write another post. Much love! 

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  1. #1 by vanilla ice cream floats on June 1, 2012 - 12:52 pm

    on this, you’ve proven to the world that you are right.. you dont need to lower yo ur standard.. Allah gave you the best, in the right time 🙂

  2. #2 by Abdul Khaaliq on April 16, 2012 - 1:54 am

    AHAHAHA at the part – this guy keeps messaging me to my Blackberry of wise advice on why smoking is allowed in Islam because we need to adapt, we need to embrace the speed of civilization. Okay, deleted from contacts,

    what a silly person

  3. #3 by delphynaus on December 1, 2011 - 9:35 pm

    Salamualeikum, Totally agree with you!! Never lower your standards or accept below your bar.. one day Allah will send you the right person.

    P.S. Giving dowry to men is not part of Islam, Men Have to give a dowry to women

  4. #4 by potentialhijabi on September 14, 2011 - 9:40 pm

    Awww.. Firstly a bigg hug sister! Don’t worry .. Allah surely has someone incredibly good in store for you, insha’allah! 🙂 .. “Women of purity are for men of purity and Men of Purity are for women of purity! (24:26)” Rem? 🙂 So just keep asking Allah surely He’s the best of helpers. Insha’allah.. He’ll bless you with a husband who will accept you and love you for being YOU! 🙂
    Secondly… I just hate hate hate it when the guy(‘s family) asks for dowry .. like seriously .. helloo ?!!.. Allah is giving u the gift of a righteous wife but how sad that someone can be blinded by the greed of money, Na’uzubillah! .. And especially when they have the audacity to ask for such things :/ .. it is irritating .. My dad is strictly against giving dowry .. its not like he wont give his daughters anything during marriage, Alhumdulillah .. but when ppl have the audacity to ask for such things their “necessities” are never ending!
    Thirdly, I dont understand how these men can think that smoking is a sign of masculinity .. seriously .. I just hate it when ppl smoke.. Yuk even the smell of it can make me feel sick! :s

  5. #5 by rialive on September 11, 2011 - 11:23 am

    @ Nisar : awwwww!! Jzk!!

    @ Ayesha : it’s a hard time to reject, people started to think I’m a lesbian.. 😦

    @ Meme : Ameen, meme.. And you too ♥

    @ Ronia : Mehr is the right of woman in Islam, but some in some culture, men’s side shamelessly asked for it too.
    I am not looking for someone perfect, don’t worry 🙂

    • #6 by Ronia on September 13, 2011 - 11:09 am

      For me, u ‘re qualified with the title “Ustz” instead of “nickname” labeled by two guys above, so let me keep calling u as “Ustz” at least as du’a ..isn’t it?

      “the statements explain themselves perfectly”…so that’s why no need much deeper explanation…yes right,.. Unfortunately, every statement theoretically reflects writers attitude… doesn’t it?,

  6. #7 by Ronia on September 11, 2011 - 9:28 am

    So sorry’…… suppose it is impolite statement…just wanna share

    A proverb says that we alive in this earth is not seeking for someone perfect to be loved, but we must to learn to love someone imperfect by the perfect ways. Similar to the number of Prophet who were sent to this world whose mission of improving immoral ummah on every particular period.

    Again sorry to say..how could the “busyness issue” occurs as a part of marriage bargaining…is it a culture? it is really interesting to hear…hope there will be more explanation..with Ustz..or Amazing Sister…LOL…

    • #8 by Ronia on September 12, 2011 - 11:45 am

      Assalam Ustz.

      “I m not looking for someone perfect, don’t worry? “… what a good job..
      Some psychological statements;
      “the guy is not as religious as I was expected”…
      “Smoking is haram. No more explanation on why I hate it.”…
      “seriously I don’t need a man to afford me, I can afford myself. I don’t need another man to protect me, I have 3 brothers to do that”.
      “I do not need to lower my standard, I only need to increase my quality to be worthy of the kind of man”……..
      “And they both called me extremist”…

      Very sorry,.. these make me curious , Why…

    • #9 by rialive on September 12, 2011 - 5:14 pm

      The statements need no deepful analysis, they explain themselves perfectly alhamdulillah 🙂

      And just call me, Rialive, I’m not qualified with the title ustz.

  7. #10 by Meme on September 10, 2011 - 8:09 am

    may Allah bless you always sissy..

  8. #11 by Ayesha Haroon on September 10, 2011 - 12:11 am

    Hay, yet another beautiful post!! ♥
    Thumbs up!!! 😀
    Masha’Allaaaahh well said and I agree to last bit.. 🙂

  9. #12 by nisar on September 10, 2011 - 12:10 am

    Allah wl not let His servent go astray who seeks His pleasure b4 taking any decision. Alhamdulillah, Allah will hv kept smthing very good in store 4 u….wait n watch.

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